Saving Poland's Bread
Forget Smoleńsk, shale gas and prescriptions, there is a national emergency right under our noses that nobody is talking about – Poland has stopped eating bread!
20.04.2012 | aktual.: 08.05.2012 15:33
According to the Central Statistical Office, the average annual consumption of bread in Poland has fallen by almost 50 percent in the past 20 years.
In 1993, the average Pole worked his or her way through 96 kg of chleby, bułki, weki and other leavened goods every year. That's the weight of the average American. In 2011, the figure was only 54 kg – the weight of three-quarters of an average Libyan.
These are startling statistics. It's the equivalent of the English giving up tea or the Russians giving up being duplicitous. Ask a Pole abroad what they miss about Poland and they will always say: “The bread!” as their hands make the involuntary motions of buttering a bułka.
It's possible that the reason for the dramatic drop in bread consumption is that all of Poland's hardcore bread lovers have left the country in the past 20 years, but that's pushing coincidence too far.
The real reason is a fundamental shift in the Polish diet. Who among you now eats cereals for breakfast instead of the bread and twaróg of your childhood? Who eats an energy bar or a 'probiotic' yoghurt as a snack rather than some bread and ham? You know who you are.
Fortunately, there is a simple solution to this erosion of national identity – the introduction of proper sandwiches. Any Polish-English dictionary will include an entry that reads: “kanapka – sandwich.” This is a blatant lie. A ‘sandwich’ has two pieces of bread. Poles know how to start making a 'sandwich,' but they always give up half way through and make a kanapka instead. A kanapka is not a sandwich, it’s just some food near bread.
I envisage a government-funded national advertising campaign: "Save Polish Bread – Complete Your Sandwich." The TV campaign would feature a clueless man in the kitchen making a kanapka and spilling pieces of tomato all over his shirt when he tries to eat it. A kindly female would then arrive, roll her eyes at the stupidity of men, and press a second slice of good Polish bread on top to save the day.
The happy result would be twofold – Poles would suddenly start consuming twice as much bread as the trend for true sandwiches catches on, and Polish would acquire a useful new verb. The English verb ‘to sandwich’ has numerous applications that aren’t available in Polish. For example: “I spent the evening sandwiched between Megan Fox and Maria Sharapova before waking up in prison.”
These are my gifts to the nation.
Jamie Stokes
