The Foreigners Among You
My first experience of a Polish census was 10 years ago when a census taker came to my small flat in the centre of Warsaw and asked me if I was a farmer. I considered the spindly tomato plants on the balcony but decided I wasn’t. Since that time I have often wondered if there are flats somewhere in Poland with four square metres of barley on their balconies and sheep in the bathroom. When they come this time, I’m going to show them my aquarium and claim to be a shark hunter.
I’m looking forward to the results of this year’s census because they will prove something that I’ve been claiming for years: namely that there are far more foreigners living in Poland than Poles realise. I think there are several reasons for this misconception. Poles I meet are constantly surprised that I chose to live here. They assume there is a man with a gun somewhere who has my passport.
A lot of Poles have such a low opinion of the living standards in their homeland that it just doesn’t occur to them that a Westerner might find it attractive. Poles are hugely and justifiably proud of their country, but they see it as something to be endured rather than enjoyed and it seems incredible to them that a foreigner would want to join them in their suffering. Nine times out of ten, when a Pole meets a foreigner, or hears them on the street, they are assumed to be tourists. This is how we hide amongst you. I bet half those people you hear speaking English, French or Italian actually live here. Poles have been used to the idea that only Poles live in Poland for so long that a kind of multiculturalism is creeping up on them without anyone realising. Polish cities, and even the nicer parts of the countryside, now have substantial immigrant colonies, and nobody notices. Government statistics seem to be absurdly inaccurate about these issues, which is why the new census should be so interesting. I spent
a fun evening looking at the website of the Central Statistical Office of Poland. I highly recommend this activity to anyone who enjoys a good laugh. The Demographic Yearbook 2009 is particularly entertaining. On page 440 there is a table that lists: “European Union citizens who received certificate of registration of residence of EU citizen in Poland,” according to which 367 British people were registered in 2008. That’s absurd. Even I know of more than 367 British people in Poland. The same table lists 181 Spaniards and a completely unbelieveable 122 Swedes. I’m fairly sure there are more Swedes than that within five kilometres of my house. I’m not saying these numbers are wrong, just that they give the wrong impression – mostly because many EU citizens never bother to register.
The Demographic Yearbook 2009 has all kinds of other fascinating and dubious information. Did you know, for example, that in 2008 three Brazilians, 13 Egyptians, eight Jordanian, seven Tunisians and five Brits became Polish citizens? Between 2000 and 2008 a total of 14,446 people became Polish citizens by some method other than being born here. Who are all these people and why do they come? They can’t all be footballers.
Jamie Stokes