If Poland had a Facebook page…
A recent study, carried out by scientists who surely should be doing something more useful, has revealed that our Facebook pages are, unexpectedly, a good reflection of our real characters. Since the entire world is now on Facebook, it is only a matter of time before countries themselves decide to join. This is my imagining of what Poland's Facebook page might look like.
Name: Rzeczpospolita Polska
Birthday: April 14, 966; July 1, 1569; November 11, 1918; December 31, 1944; January 30, 1990 (It's complicated)
Interested In: Being loved
Languages: Polish (It's not easy); English (Of course!); German (Easy); Russian (Forgotten everything)
Profile picture: Krakow's Sukiennice with Tatras in the background and bison swimming in a Mazurian lake in the foreground.
Relationship status: Lithuania (Widowed); Ukraine (Separated); USSR (Divorced); EU (It's complicated)
Family: Chicago (cousin), London (son), Dublin (daughter), Australia (second cousin) Friends: Linda Evangelista, Robert Redford, Russell Crowe, Daniel Radcliffe, plus 250,000 other really cool, famous people who really, honestly like me (or have heard of me) Employment: Saviour of Europe (1683, 1920); Freelance martyr (1772–present); CIA prison (2002-05); Economic miracle (2004–present)
Education: All waiters, shop workers and road sweepers are required to have Master's degrees; Presidents leave school at 14.
Religion: Catholic, especially on Sundays.
Political views: Democratic (all citizens have an equal right to hate politicians); uprisings whenever possible.
People who inspire you: John Paul II; John Paul II's mother; John Paul II's barber; Adam Małysz Favourite quotations: "Habemus Papam!"
Music: Mazurek Dąbrowskiego, Dziwny Jest ten Świat, Sto Lat, Jedzie Pociąg Z Daleka, anything by Chopin
Books: Trilogies about uprisings and beating Germans.
Movies: Trilogies about uprisings and beating Germans.
Television: Documentaries about uprisings and beating Germans; Documentaries about noun cases; Mam Talent Favourite Sports: Any that we get gold medals for.
Favourite athletes: Ones that get gold medals.
Activities and Interests: Blaming Russia; being modern; commemorating things; complaining; inferiority complexes; shifting westward over the course of several centuries; being exiled; writing constitutions; fighting other people's wars; heliocentrism
What's on your mind?
Just telling my buddies at the Council of the European Union, which I'm president of, about how healthy my economy is.
A few seconds ago
Tasty mussels in Brussels. If you are ever here as President of the Council of the European Union, like I am, you should try some.
40 minutes ago
Having a beer in Brussels, which is where the Council of the European Union is, which I am president of.
Thursday at 19:03
OMG! Russia still refuses to apologise for that time it ran over my cat!
Georgia likes this
September 22 at 05:34
WTF China? You can build a Great Wall but not a measly motorway?
September 11 at 10:28
How do you know when you've driven into Germany? The cars are prettier than the women! LOL
Germany: Not cool man!
September 4 at 12:30
Jamie Stokes
