Good Manners.

One of the problems with foreigners is that they are all rude. It doesn't matter if you are English, Polish, Chinese or Tuvaluan: spend any time in another country and you will soon become convinced that the locals have the manners of poorly-trained gibbons. This is, of course, an illusion. When we say 'good manners' what we really mean is 'manners the same as our manners.' The exceptions are New York and Paris, where people are genuinely and deliberately rude and proud of it.

Anyone who has spent time on the islands will know that the biggest difference between the British and the Poles is that the British say 'Please,' 'Thank you' and 'Sorry' a hell of a lot more often. For example:

British Person: Could you please pass me the butter?
Other British Person: Certainly. Here you are.
British Person: Thank you.
Other British Person: Sorry, I didn't know you wanted the butter.
British Person: No need to apologise.
Other British Person: Thank you.
British Person: You're welcome.

In Poland, the same conversation looks like this:
Polish person: Give me the butter.
Other Polish person: Juz.

And this is for conversations where everything goes well. When inconvenience is added, British convention demands even more elaborate language:

British person: Could I have a packet of butter please?
British shopkeeper: I'm terribly sorry, we don't have any butter.
British person: It's not you fault.
British shopkeeper: Thank you.
British person: You're welcome.

The situation is a little different in Poland:
Polish person: Butter?
Polish shopkeeper: Nie ma.

It's not hard to see why there are misunderstandings when Brits and Poles interact. For British people, who have been drilled to say 'Please,' 'Thank you' and 'You're welcome' since they were old enough to speak, the directness of Polish speech sounds incredibly rude. For Poles, the ornateness of British manners sounds incredibly disingenuous.

The Daily Mail, a newspaper that usually features headlines such as "Britain's Fattest Woman Hasn't Been Outside for Four Years," recently published an article titled: "Why Polish Politeness Can be Lost in Translation," which is just another way of saying: "Why are Poles So Rude?"

The article is about a study into British and Polish speech patterns. Psychologist Dr Jörg Zinken says that the results reveal a major difference between social interactions in the two groups. Dr Zinken notes that British people nearly always phrase requests as questions (Can I have the butter please?) even when there is no doubt that the request will be met. Poles, on the other hand, tend to use commands (Give me the butter).

Dr Zinken also has a theory about why this is. British people, he says, place great importance on individual freedom. By asking a question, they give the other person the opportunity to say ‘no,’ even if the other person is very unlikely to do so. It makes passing the butter a choice. Poles, says the Doctor, place great value on close cooperation in the family or among friends. They say ‘Give me the butter’ because asking a question suggests you are not sure that a close friend or relative will help, which would be rude.

This information will be extremely useful to me as soon as I learn how to identify who my close Polish friends are. I’m looking forward to having butter on my toast again.

Jamie Stokes